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She realized a beat too late that perhaps it wasn’t the best idea; she had no idea what kind of drunk he was, whether he would get angry or belligerent if she took his drink away. Danny didn’t move as the doctor and the nurse left the room. He didn’t move as Gram tucked the blanket around Bryan, as if she really had just sung him to sleep. He didn’t move as she leaned over and kissed his forehead before brushing his hair out of his eyes. The doctor slid a chair up to Bryan’s bedside opposite Gram, nodding at Danny before he walked to the other side of the room to consult with the nurse. “You’re okay, honey,” she said softly, and Leah forced a smile as she walked past her and into the house.
And she knew if she kept driving, she wouldn’t loop around and come back. The spell of this little street would be broken; reality and logic would set in, reminding her that this little yearly indulgence was as childish as it was inconvenient. The neighborhood seemed to get smaller every year, although she knew that wasn’t possible. The cars parked along the street were always different. Some of the houses changed color; some of the gardens were ripped up or the driveways refinished. But at its core, it was the same little world, one that was as comfortingly familiar to her as it was painfully remote.
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The shutters—although the same brick color they always were—were brand new. In fact, the windows themselves were new too. The one she remembered to be in the kitchen was now a pretty bay window with a few small pots of daffodils lined up along the sill.
After discovering the man she loved had manipulated and deceived her, she refuses to even entertain the idea of a relationship. Instead, she focuses her attention on taking care of her family, a role she's assumed since the death of her mother and the one place she knows her kindness won't be taken advantage of again. “But of course you weren’t any of those things,” he said with another humorless laugh. “You were smart, and sweet…and fucking beautiful,” he added, clasping both of her hands in his again.
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She was the one who had believed, against all odds, that one morning he would open his eyes. Danny had always known it was a pipe dream. He’d said his good-byes long before this. His eyes were drawn to Amanda on other side of the bed as she reached up and clicked a switch on the machine above Bryan’s head. Leah’s eyes flashed to Catherine, but she was looking out the window, her expression unreadable as she carefully sipped her tea.
She brought her hands up to his biceps to brace herself, and he buried his face in her hair as he inhaled deeply. “You’re here,” he said again, and this time it sounded like a prayer. Danny walked the few steps over to the chair and sank down into it, pressing his hands into the tops of his thighs to try and stop them from trembling. She glanced around, her vision blurred from her unshed tears. The block of concrete, the one they had imprinted with their handprints and initials, was gone. Her chin quivered slightly as she lifted her eyes, looking at the opposite end of the yard.
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Assuming that his bedroom had to be one of them, she began walking them in that direction. Leah cut the engine, looking over at him. She watched his back expand and contract with every breath, but he still hadn’t moved. He covered his face with his hands as he rested his forehead on the dash again, and then he slammed his fist down on top of it. ” he asked again, and Leah’s stomach twisted.
But she just stood there, staring at her with expectant eyes, as if Leah were the one who initiated contact with her. She sat up straight as something like panic fluttered in her chest. She’d barely gotten a chance to see it.
She exhaled slowly and opened her eyes, tugging his pants the rest of the way down and removing the belt before she folded them and draped them over a nearby chair. She came back to the bed and climbed on, dutifully keeping her eyes above his waist as she started undoing the buttons of his shirt. “I lied to you,” he said hoarsely, his eyes still closed. Leah undid his laces and removed his shoes, placing them up against the far wall so he wouldn’t trip over them if he got out of bed for any reason tonight. Leah gave him a gentle shove and he lurched forward before falling back onto the mattress with a groan, his eyes already closed. Danny rested his chin on the top of her head as he ran his hand over the back of her hair.
His hand slid up her thigh again, and Leah ignored it, focusing all her attention on undoing the buttons. He didn’t want her, and they weren’t anything to each other. She was just going to make sure he was comfortable, and then she was going to get the hell out of there. She didn’t want to be affected by him anymore, but she felt her heart drop at his words. By now she was using all her strength just to keep him steady as they stumbled down the hallway toward his door.
She stood beside him and leaned over, hooking her fingers in the waistband of his pants. With a deep breath to strengthen her resolve, she climbed up onto the bed and sat on her heels at his side. Just as she brought her fingers to the buckle on his belt, she felt his hand slide up her thigh, coming to rest more than halfway up. She stood at the foot of his bed, her hands on her hips as she looked him over. He nodded wearily, and she exited the car and came around to his side, helping him out onto the sidewalk.
She’d seen these same houses—packed together like books on a shelf—and their tiny fenced-in yards countless times. She could vividly remember coming down this street in the back of her mother’s car, blowing her warm breath against the window and drawing little hearts in the fog that magically appeared there. She was always afraid that one year, she’d drive down to discover the new owners had re-sided the odd-colored exterior, erasing the warm, pale yellow that always reminded her of sunlight on sand. She walked around to the passenger side and leaned against the car with a tiny sigh, allowing her eyes to drift over her childhood home. Without thinking, she pulled into the empty space in front of the house’s one-car garage. The black pickup sped by with another beep of its horn, this time accompanied by a middle finger pressed up against the passenger window.
She had his keys in her hand, and she opened the door quickly before tossing them somewhere on the floor. She needed both arms to help him now, and every muscle in her body strained with the effort. She could tell he was close to passing out, and Leah glanced at the numbers lighting up above their heads, willing them to go faster. Leah took a tiny breath as she reached over and resumed rubbing circles on the small of his back. I need you to walk with me,” she said, wrapping her arm around his waist.
Bryan’s life, flashing before his eyes—he wasn’t the one dying, but he could feel it happening. He could see it all unfold, as if Bryan were sharing the last few moments of his life with him. Danny watched as he approached the side of the bed and took hold of the tube in Bryan’s mouth.
She had no idea how she was going to hold him if he couldn’t walk, but as she took a step, thankfully he followed. Those words had soothed him so many times, but today they rolled off him like drops of rain down the window—fleeting and futile. Dr. Racine approached Gram’s side of the bed, placing his hand on her shoulder. “It won’t be too much longer now,” he said gently. Bryan’s face was thinner than Danny’s memories, something he’d gradually grown accustomed to, but today his jaw was covered in a light five-o’clock shadow.
Hanging out in the garage, talking into the night under the hood of car. Danny helping Bryan sneak out of his bedroom window to go meet up with his girlfriend on Valentine’s night. Danny squeezed his eyes shut as a barrage of images assaulted him.
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